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i romantically stand outside your window and hold up my iPhone to blast our song. a 30 second ad plays first
are vegans allowed to drive since gasoline is made from fossil fuels meaning dinosaurs had to DIE for you to drive that car you fucking pig
I was reading about Thomas Jefferson’s medical history and
Violent headache for two days after behaving awkwardly in front of a girl he fancied (March 1764, age 20)
you can’t be a bisexual if you’ve never dated a girl. all bisexuals must submit proof of dating history before becoming fully licensed and must be registered to continue practicing bisexuality. please renew your licence every 5 years to avoid reclassification as hetero- or homosexual and to remain eligible for our annual picnic and raffle.
what if u had an identical twin that did porn and u like went to the grocery and theyre like “omg i saw u take 3 dicks at once while wearing a turtle costume” and ur like “god dammit gary”
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